By: Stephen Scherer, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Breakup, separation, divorce, or death of a partner are undeniably life altering experiences, especially when the relationship was a significant part of your life. The pain of losing someone you shared your life with can be overwhelming and the process of recovery often feels like navigating through a storm. In this blog post, we'll explore what grief from loss looks like as an experience, the necessary steps to navigate grief in a healthy way, and practical strategies you can use to balance grieving with work, family, and personal responsibilities.
Grief is a natural human response to loss and it takes many forms. It can manifest as sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness, and a profound sense of emptiness. It can disrupt your sleep, your appetite, and your ability to concentrate. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's famous "stages of grief" - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance provide a foundation to understanding how chaotic the experience of loss can be. Managing the emotional turbulence can be incredibly difficult, and the first step towards recovery lies in acknowledging the pain you are experiencing and trying to not turn away from the uncomfortable nature of it. Give yourself permission to feel the emotions without judging yourself for having them or thinking "I should be able to get over this." Suppressing them will only prolong the healing process. Below are some things to keep in mind:
Accept Grief
Acceptance is the cornerstone of healing. It doesn't mean forgetting or minimizing the pain; rather, it's about acknowledging the reality of the situation. Give yourself permission to feel the emotions, both the highs and the lows. Understand that grief is a natural response to loss, and each person experiences it uniquely. If you don't accept the grief and allow yourself time to feel it, then it can be harmful for you in the future.
Balance Grief with Responsibilities
Communication is Key:Â Openly communicate with your employer, colleagues, friends, and family about your emotional state. Honest conversations can foster understanding and support, making it easier to navigate your responsibilities.
Set Realistic Expectations:Â Understand that your productivity and energy levels might shift unexpectedly throughout each day. Set realistic expectations for yourself and communicate any necessary adjustments in deadlines or commitments you need. You may need to give yourself the opportunity to take frequent breaks due to loss of focus or low energy.
Take Care of Yourself:Â Prioritize your physical and mental well-being. Maintain a balanced diet, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly. Engaging in activities you enjoy can help boost your mood and reduce stress as well. Make self-care a non-negotiable priority, especially if you notice heavy emotions or thoughts urging you to neglect yourself.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. This is a difficult time, and it's important to treat yourself with love and understanding. Avoid self-blame or criticism and give yourself the time you need to recover - there is no time table for grief.
What are practical strategies that you can use to facilitate self-care, since it's so important in the healing process? Below are a few suggestions that you may find helpful:
Mindful Breaks:Â Integrate short mindfulness breaks into your day. Whether it's deep breathing exercises, a brief walk, or a moment of quiet reflection, these breaks can help manage stress and ground you in the present moment. Be sure to keep your attention on the activity you are engaging in, it's easy to fall into the trap of "checking out" which may not necessarily leave you feeling refreshed. Mindful breaks will give you the opportunity to find small moments of peace amidst the sea of grief.
Lean on Support Systems:Â Don't hesitate to lean on your support network. Share your feelings with friends, family, or a therapist. Having a strong support system can provide emotional relief and help you feel less isolated.
Establish Boundaries:Â Set clear boundaries to protect your emotional space. This may involve limiting discussions about the breakup designating specific times for personal reflection.
Delegate Tasks: Ask for help from friends, family, or colleagues. Delegating tasks can free up your time and energy, reduce feelings of overwhelm, and give you the opportunity to focus on your emotional well-being.
Create a Routine:Â Establishing a routine can provide a sense of stability during difficult times. Consistency in daily activities can contribute to a feeling of normalcy and control, in addition to giving you the opportunity to feel fulfillment in other areas of life.
Get Active: Engage yourself in activities that help you feel a sense of confidence, mastery, peace, or help you process the loss. Some examples include: Writing down your thoughts and feelings to process your grief, painting, writing, or playing music can provide a healthy outlet for your emotions, exercise can give you an endorphin boost (the hormones in the body that make you feel good). Being active is helpful and like everything else it needs to be balanced so that we don't unintentionally use them to avoid the emotions of loss.
Recovering from the loss of a long-term intimate relationship is undoubtedly challenging, but it's a journey that, with time and self-compassion, can lead to healing and personal growth. Understanding the nature of grief, accepting its presence, and implementing coping strategies to balance it with everyday responsibilities are essential steps toward reclaiming your life. Remember, it's okay to seek help and prioritize your well-being during this challenging period. The storm will subside, and brighter days lie ahead.
Remember, you are not alone in this process. Please don't hesitate to reach out to a trained therapist to receive more support as you navigate this difficult life transition.
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